100 Deleted Scenes
by For3ver Immortal
Summary: Little funny dialogues between characters of the Twilight series.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer**: I don't own any of the characters. They're property of Stephenie Meyer, and I guess, Summit now owns them, too. And I'm sure all of us want to own a little piece of them but whatever, I don't own them.

Hey, everybody! Hope your holidays are going well. Don't panic, this is not another story I am writing! This idea came from when I wanted to draw some twilight comics, but I thought why not post them up as little dribbles for everyone to enjoy. So, all you'll get is the dialogue.

I'm working on these with **DarkRedSlice**, but they will be posted on my account. Most are pretty short, ranging from possible dialogue that could occur between any of the books or pure out-of-the-blue dialogue we make up. They are random, stupid, short, funny, sometimes out of character, gives you 'wtf' moments, and LOL moments (hopefully). If you don't like this sort of thing, please don't flame.

Again, they are pretty short so please don't leave reviews asking why they're so short. Hope you guys enjoy the first one!

**1: Boys Will be Boys**

Edward: Hey, Jacob, you wanna know how I know you're gay?

Jacob: Very mature, Edward….

Edward: Because you hang out with a bunch of guys in little shorts!

Jacob: Oh, yeah? Wanna know how I know you're gay?

Edward: Try me, hmph.

Jacob: Because you sparkle, you have pretty red lips, and Bella said you had to wear make up for your school picture, and…

Edward: I hate this game…..

**Drop a review! Thanks!**


	2. Chapter 2

**2. Honeymoon Blues**

Edward walks into Carlisle's office: You wanted to speak with me.

Carlisle: Now Edward, I know your honeymoon with Bella is coming up. So, I want to have a little talk.

Edward: Oh, please…You don't have to-

Carlisle: Yes I do, this is important; you need to know what to do!

Edward: You really don't have to, Carlisle. I already know-

Carlisle: So, when you get her started, she's going to give you a little bit of resistance.

Edward: Are you serious?

Carlisle: But that's when you can't be afraid to be a little rough. Be sure to get it in there all the way and show it what you're made of, my son! Then-

Edward: Oh, God…

Carlisle: Then, once you get her where you want her. Feel free to ride her all—

Edward: OH GOD! I can't listen to this! *runs*

Carlisle: Wait, Edward! *dangles keys* I haven't told you what to do after you start the yacht on the island.

**Thank you for reading! Please review.**


	3. Chapter 3

Today is double feature day! Two separate "shorties" for you to enjoy.

**3. Time for A Walk**

Jacob walks into the Cullen house looking sullen.

Rose: Hey, dog, you look like you could use a good run.

Jake: Yeah…

Rose: Let me go get the leash.

Renesmee runs out: I already got it, Aunt Rose!

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4. Engine Problems

The phone at Swan residence rings and Bella picks up.

Bella: Hello?

Jake: I'm sorry, Bella, I can't pick you up today.

Bella: Why not?

Jake: The shaft to my engine broke.

Bella: I didn't know you could break that….

Jake:…

**Thanks for reading! Leave a review.**


	4. Chapter 4

Another double feature today, since I forgot to put up one yesterday. Thank you for the reviews! Hope you guys enjoy these next two 'shorties'.

**5. Edward's Toys**

Bella holds up a cold, silver, little object shaped like an elongated bullet: Edward, I found this in one of our bathroom drawers. What is it?

Edward: Umm…Bella, I can explain.

Bella: Explain what? Why does it vibrate when I flip the switch? It's a powerful little thing, too. What does it do?

Edward laughs nervously: It's a…..tool….yes, a tool to use when one wants to maximize pleasure.

Bella: Huh? *blank stare*

Edward: It's for…pleasuring you.

Bella: Come again?

Edward grins: Exactly!

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**6. Darn That Flea**

Edward's phone rings and he sees Jake's name flashing across the screen. With a raised eyebrow, he answers the call.

Edward: What are you calling me for, Jacob?

Jake: I need to ask you something personal, man.

Edward: *sigh* What is it?

Jake: I have an…itch.

Edward: An itch? I don't know if I wanna hear this…Maybe Bella would be more willing to help you.

Jake: NO! Don't tell Bella anything. I don't want her to know.

Edward: Fine, pup. Tell me about this 'itch'.

Jake: Well, it's in a place I never thought it would be, and I am worried because I can't reach back there. It just _really_ itches!

Edward: Ok, I am going to tell you this, but if you tell Emmett. I will kill you. There is a cream I rub on my shaf-

Jake: WHOA, whoa dude, I was just getting your recommendation on which flea medication to get.

Edward: God damn you, Jacob!

**Did you like 'em? Leave a review, please.**


	5. Chapter 5

Wow, I didn't really expect anyone to read this when I had the notion to put it up. So, **DarkRedSlice** and I are pleasantly surprised we are getting reviews. Thanks so much! We will keep posting as long as you keep reviewing. Enjoy!

**7. Caged Innocence**

Jasper and Edward comes home after a hunting trip.

Jasper: Did you and Alice have some quality sister bonding time?

Bella: Yepp!

Jasper looks around nervously: Well, where is she?

Bella: I locked her in the human cage in your room upstairs, and threw away the key.

Jasper: You did WHAT? Why?

Bella: She really got on my nerves after awhile.

Jasper starts for the stairs…

Bella: Why do you have a cage in your room by the way?

Jasper swallows a gulp while Edward stares him down: Uhhhh…..I can explain.

Edward: Please, don't.

Jasper quickly disappeared and soon there was a chirping voice going at 100 miles per hour.

Bella: I really wanted to hear his explanation.

Edward: Trust me, you don't.

Bella: Is it that bad? I can't imagine what one does with a cage in the room…*gasps*

Edward: What?

Bella lowers her voice out of politeness: Are they into bondage and stuff?

Edward: HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS?

Bella: how do YOU know what that is Mister-109-Year-Old-Virgin-Vampire?

Edward: Bella, stop it…

Bella winks: yOOuuu, stop it….

**It's the holidays, be giving and drop us a review! Thanks.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey, everyone! Thanks for the reviews, glad you guys enjoyed the shorts. Here's a double feature. By the way, the first one was inspired by a song from Ne-Yo called 'Wife Her'. Enjoy!**

**8. Imma Wife You**

Edward: Em, you gotta tell me what I need to do. She's always running around with them wolves and their half naked bodies, and their I'm-better-because-I'm-hotter-than-you mentality. I can't take it anymore.

Emmett: I know exactly what you need to do.

Edward: What?

Emmett: You need to show her who's the alpha male. You gotta take her one night, man, and show her _what's up_.

Edward: Are you crazy?

Emmett: Alright, then, you only have one other way.

Edward: What is it?

Emmett: Like Ne-Yo said man, you gotta wife her.

Edward goes to Bella: Bella, Imma wife you.

Bella: What?

Edward: I ain't stutter.

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**9. Can I Put A Saddle On It?**

Bella: Hey Jake, can I ride you?

Jake: Edward would kill me.

Bella: What? I meant when you're a wolf.

Jake: He would definitely kill me.

Bella: It's just a ride on you Jake. Why are you making it such a big deal?

Jake: You dunno what you're asking for.

Bella: If you're so touchy about me sitting on your fur, I can put a saddle on it or something.

Jake: This is so wrong in so many ways...

Bella: What is wrong with you? I just wanted to ride you when you're in your wolf form, because you're huge!

Jake: Oh, god, Bella…

Bella: WHAT?

**If you LOL, then, please leave a review! DarkRedSlice and For3ver Immortal wishes all of you a warm and cozy Christmas with lots of presents!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Thanks for the awesome reviews! Enjoy.**

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**10. Bribe Me**

Alice: Hey Edward, look what I got for Nessie!

Edward: Wow, clothes, shoes, toys...What's the catch, Alice?

Alice: Catch? I can't love my niece?

Edward: Still not getting that Porsche…

Alice: *pout face*

Bella: You can drive my Ferrari!

Alice: ...shut up

**11. Dark Angel**

Bella: I'm Edward's perfect little angel.

Alice glares: Uh huh…

Bella: What Alice? You got something to say?

Alice: You _were_ his perfect little angel until you seduced him in black lingerie.

Bella gasps: You were spying on me!

Alice: Only because I had to! Trust me, I'm scarred for life.

**Please review!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Enjoy!**

**12. I Love You, Too, Daddy**

Edward: I love you, Renesmee.

Renesmee: I hate you, you stupid jerk! I wish you would just burn up in the sun!

Edward: WHAAA…How-W-Where is that that coming from?

Renesmee: I heard Aunt Rose shout that at Uncle Emmett. She said that's how you say 'I love you' back.

Edward: It's not your fault, sweetheart. ROSE, YOU BETTER RUN!

**13. Keeping Alice Happy**

Alice: Jasper, I love you soOOoOo…much.

Jasper pulls out his checkbook: How much is it going to cost me this time?

Alice laughs: Just a new Louis Vuitton bag I saw at the mall…and maybe some new shoes…

Jasper: I live to make you happy.

He handed her a blank check and another credit card for measure.

**14. Naughty Test Drive**

Bella: Can I take it for a test drive?

Edward: You can't handle the ride in your fragile human state.

Bella: Yes, I can. I'll take it nice n slow, I promise.

Edward: You promise? Nice and slow?

Bella: Yes, or fast and hard, whichever way you prefer.

Edward: I like it nice and slow at the beginning...

Bella licks her lips: Me, too.

Edward: You are so naughty.

Bella: I'll show you just how naughty I can be.

Edward: Okay, you can take it for a test drive.

Bella: I'll be on my best behavior.

Edward hands over the keys to her Ferrari and Bella snatches it away before he can change his mind.

Edward: Don't scratch the paint!


End file.
